Painting carries a purity, a portion of time captured on canvas that expresses how the artist was feeling with each dab of paint. It continues to be a driving force for me, a proven way to communicate my inner visions, thoughts, and feelings to reality.
Art has always meant more to me than just being creative. Art has brought peace, pain, joy, sadness, love, and has connected me with the parts of this world I love the most. My motivation for painting is intimate. My motivation for painting is something for which men have lived and died, something that we all seek and desire. Love.
Inspiration is one thing that all artists seek. It can come from a desire to have a voice in a crowd or from the simple beauty of nature. For me (many moons ago), as a student trying to find something, anything, to make my life less dark and cold, inspiration found me. Have you had that moment when something life altering happens and the world is so vivid it’s unreal? It was like time had stopped. She walked into my world and nothing was ever the same.
Life moves on and mine did too (once I got back into the real world) and two years later, yes 730 days or 17,520 hours later, the universe decided to give me a second chance with inspiration. There she was, again. I stepped on the edge, looked down, and took a deep breath. Time stopped like before but this time was so very different - I was all in and nothing was going to stop me from inspiration.
Her name is Amanda. Some outside force gave me a second chance.
Now here's where you think, “so they fell in love, got married, lived happily ever after, gooey center, blah, blah, blah...” Ok, well, you're not wrong, but you're also not entirely right. You see, love is a powerful force and it can do things to us that we never thought were possible. It's beautiful, flawed, complicated, and it's been the motivation that keeps me painting and never giving up on this path… or in myself.
You see, life for me is not just going through the motions, it's about discovery and being excited about what I will tell my wife as the days move on.
So if you've read this far, you now understand that I'm very much in love with a woman whose soul is fierce, gentle, and real. The question I always had after meeting her was, why can't I speak the words that are deep within me that I yearn to share with her? It took some time. In fact it tooks years. And like I said, love is complicated. It's joyous, uplifting, powerful, and it can also be hard and painful. But it's very worth it, if you want it to be. I didn't believe that my life would be touched in such a potent way.
We are all raw, simple, extremely complex, guarded, flawed, beautiful.
As time melts away and I walk the path of being an artist, I continue to create pieces that are uncomfortable, beautiful, frightening, sad, and heartwarming. Just like love, creating art isn't perfect. Being malleable and embracing the unpredictability of implementing technique adds to the emotion and expression of my finished works. It's the human mind and heart, the emotions and feelings, that resonate deeply within my paintings.
I'm inspired and galvanized by my wife and awed by the enigma of how love and emotions occur, all while time takes me a little closer to the final moment I will see my wife in this life. Will I have been someone that uplifted her, helped her be the best person she could be? Did I make her laugh, cry, ponder, and explore life as best as I could? Did I say everything that was in myself that I couldn't say out loud or in written word? Only in that moment will I know. But before that time comes…
I share my work, my paintings, my letters to Amanda, with you.